Lincoln in the Bardo Page 7

  Kindly don’t bother, I said. I have heard all of this—

  Let me tell you something, said the second Gilbert harshly. You are not lying on any floor, in any kitchen. Are you? Look around, fool. You delude yourself. It is complete. You have completed it.

  We say these things to speed you along, said the first.

  roger bevins iii

  One of the country girls was Miranda Debb! Sitting there real as dirt beside me, as of yore, legs crossed under the faded yellow skirt she used to favor. Only she seemed so big now, compared to me, like a regular giant!

  You are in a tough spot, sweet Abigail, aren’t you? she said. Often, upon waking, you find yourself short several items, don’t you? Come on, come with us, we’re here to set you free. Look at our arms, our legs, our smiles. Are we liars? Who look so healthy? And who’ve known you so long? Do you remember hiding of a summer day in the hayrick? Your mother calling for you? Digging in then, delighted to be hiding?

  It is that times one million where we will take you, said another, who I now recognized as none other than my dear bridesmaid Cynthia Hoynton!

  mrs. abigail blass

  Eddie, ain’t that f—–ing Queenie? my Betsy says to me.

  And sure enough it was! Queenie being one of the sluts from Perdy’s. Who’d give you a good frontal benddown.

  Maybe it’s time to give it up, skipper, Queenie said.

  In a pig’s a—–, I said.

  Eddie, said Betsy.

  F—– off, I said. I know what I’m about.

  What are you about? Queenie said.

  To H—– with you, I said.

  I believe your wife may feel differently, she said.

  She don’t, I said. F—– off. We travel together.

  I wonder, she said.

  Betsy’s eyes were cast down.

  Good girl, I said. Keep ’em down. Then she can’t f—–ing f—– with you.

  We aren’t here to f—– with anyone, Queenie said.

  Do the benddown, I said.

  Anytime you want us, she said to Betsy. Call out.

  Off you go, I said. C—–teaser.

  eddie baron

  At one moment, the angels stepping en masse back into a ray of moonlight to impress me with their collective radiance, I glanced up and saw, spread out around the white stone home, a remarkable tableau of suffering: dozens of us, frozen in misery: cowed, prone, crawling, wincing before the travails of the particularized onslaught each was undergoing.

  the reverend everly thomas

  Abbie, dear, said Miranda Debb, allow me to show you something.

  And put her hands on either side of my face.

  And I saw! Where they wanted to take me, the tide would run in, and never out. I would live atop a hill and the stones would roll up. When they got to me, they would split open. Inside each was a pill. When I took the pill, I had—oh, Glory! All I needed.

  For once.

  For once in my life.

  Miranda dropped her hands from my face and I was just back here again.

  Did you like that? Miranda said.

  Very much, I said.

  Come with us then, said her friend, who I saw was good old Susanna Briggs (!), binding her hair up in a cloth, long grass-blade in her mouth.

  Two others were playing tag in a gully. Was it Adela and Eva McBain? It was! Some cows were gazing at the tag-game with love. It felt funny that cows could love but that was just the kind of world it was with these sweet girls around!

  I can’t believe you are a old widow, said Miranda Debb.

  And so little, said Susanna Briggs.

  You who was always so pretty, said Miranda Debb.

  You had it rough, said Cynthia Hoynton.

  The tide ran out but never ran in, said Susanna Briggs.

  The stones rolled downhill but never rolled back up, said Cynthia Hoynton.

  You never in your life was given enough, said Miranda Debb.

  My eyes teared up.

  That is so true, I said.

  You are a wave that has crashed upon the shore, said Miranda.

  We say these things to speed you along, said Susanna.

  I said I didn’t know about any of that but sure would fancy another of those pills.

  Come with us then, Miranda said.

  The McBains in the gully paused to listen. As did the cows. As did, somehow, the barn.

  I was so tired and had been tired for ever so long.

  I believe I will come with, I said.

  mrs. abigail blass

  From off to my left came a shout—of terror or victory, I could not be sure—followed by the familiar, yet always bone-chilling, firesound associated with the matterlightblooming phenomenon.

  Who had gone?

  I could not tell.

  And was still too under siege myself to care.

  hans vollman

  As if stimulated by this victory, our tormentors now redoubled their efforts.

  the reverend everly thomas

  Rose petals rained down, a joyful provocation: red, pink, yellow, white, purple. Then translucent petals; striped petals; dotted petals; petals inscribed (when you took one from the ground and looked closely at it) with detailed images (down to the broken flower-stems and dropped toys) of one’s childhood yard. Finally golden petals rained down (of real gold!), ticking with each impact against tree or markerstone.

  roger bevins iii

  Then: singing. Beautiful singing, filled with longing, promise, reassurance, patience, deep fellow-feeling.

  hans vollman

  It affected one deeply.

  the reverend everly thomas

  You wanted to f—–ing dance.

  betsy baron

  But you also wanted to f—–ing cry.

  eddie baron

  While dancing.

  betsy baron

  Mother came About ten of her But none smelled the least like Mother Say, what is that trick To send a lonesome fellow ten false mothers

  Come with us, Willie, one Mother said

  But then All of a sudden They did smell right Very right And cuddled in around me smelling right

  Mother My goodness Good old

  You are a wave that has crashed upon the shore, said a second Mother

  Dear Willie, said a third

  Dear dear Willie, said a fourth

  And all of those Mothers loved me so and wanted me to go with and said they would take me home soon as I was ready.

  willie lincoln

  When will you know the full pleasures of the marriage-bed; when behold Anna’s naked form; when will she turn to you in that certain state, mouth hungry, cheeks flushed; when will her hair, loosened in a wanton gesture, fall at last around you? (Thus spoke Elsbeth Grove, my wife’s cousin—or, rather, spoke a deceiving creature fashioned into the exact image of Elsbeth—in a thinnish thing, silk collar fluttering.)

  I’ll tell you when, said a second bride, whom I now recognized as my own dear grandmother (also arrayed, disconcertingly, in a thinnish thing, collar fluttering). Never. That’s finished now. You delude yourself, Kugel.

  Since their last visit they had somehow acquired my nickname.

  It troubles Anna that you remain here, Elsbeth said. She asked me to relay this message.

  I was weakening with every second and knew I must rally some defense.

  Is she there now? I said. Waiting for me? In that place to which you so eloquently urge me to go?

  I had them now, for though they are happy enough to deceive, they prefer not to lie.

  Elsbeth, blushing, cast an anxious glance at Grandmother.

  It is—it is rather difficult to answer your question, Elsbeth said.

  You are demons, I said. Who assume these familiar forms to lure me thither.

  My, but you are honest, Kugel! said Grandmother.

  Are you so honest regarding your own situation? said Elsbeth.

  Are you “sick,” Kugel? said Grandmother. Do doctors put sick people int
o “sick-boxes”?

  I do not recall that practice ever being followed in our time, Elsbeth said.

  Therefore what must we conclude, Kugel? said Grandmother. What are you? Where are you? Admit it, dearest, believe it, say it aloud, profit by it, join us.

  We say these things to speed you along, said Elsbeth.

  And I saw that I must apply the ultimate antidote.

  To whom do you speak? I said. Who is hearing you? To whom do you listen? Whose hand do you now follow, as it lifts to point to the heavens? What is the source of the voice causing those looks of consternation to appear even now upon your faces? Here I am. I am here. Am I not?

  This had its usual effect.

  Confused and deflated, the brides huddled, whispering to one another, devising a new plan of attack.

  Fortunately, at that moment, their fraudulent conference was disrupted by the sound of two more distinct and separate firesound/matterlightblooming occurrences: one from the south, one from the northwest.

  hans vollman

  Eddie took off running at them sounds.

  Sometimes he gets pretty f—–ing scared of s—–.

  One of them sluts came right up to me. Then I seen it is not a slut. But our own daughter, Mary Mag! All f—–ing dressed up! Finally come to visit! After all these f—–ing years of not!

  Mother, she said. We are sorry to have been so remiss. Everett and I.

  Who’s Everett? I said.

  Your son, she said. My brother.

  Edward, you mean? I said. Eddie? Eddie Jr.?

  Edward, yes, correct, sorry, she said. Anyway, we should have come a long time ago. But I have been quite busy. Being successful. And loved. And producing many children of surpassing beauty. And intelligence. As has Everett.

  Edward, I said.

  Edward, yes, she said. I am just so exhausted! From…from all my successes!

  Well, that’s all right, I said. You’re here now, kid.

  And Mother? she said. Please know. Everything is all right. You did the best you could. We blame you for nothing. Although we know that you feel you may have, at times, exhibited certain defects of maternal—

  I was kind of a s—– mother, wasn’t I? I said.

  Whatever failures you feel you may have been responsible for, leave them behind you now, she said. All turned out beautifully. Come with us.

  Come where though? I said. I don’t—

  You are a wave that has crashed upon the shore, she said.

  See, I don’t get that, I said.

  Just then Eddie came racing back.

  My hero!

  Ha.

  Clear the f—– out of here, you, he said.

  It’s Mary Mag, I said.

  No it ain’t, he said. Watch this.

  He picked up a stone and shagged it. Right at Mary Mag! As the stone passed through, she was not Mary Mag anymore at all, but I don’t f—–ing know who. Or what. Some blob or blast of sun in the shape of a G——n dress!

  You, sir, are a fool, the light-blob said.

  Then it turned to me.

  You, madam, it said. Are less so.

  betsy baron

  The lead angel took my face into her hands as her wing swished back and forth, putting me in mind of a horse’s tail as that animal feeds.

  Are you thriving here, Reverend? she said, wing extended lazily above her. Is He whom you served in life present here?

  I—I believe He is, I said.

  He is, of course, everywhere, she said. But does not like to see you lingering here. Among such low companions.

  Her beauty was considerable and increasing by the second. I saw I must end our interview or risk disaster.

  Please go, I said. I do not—I do not require you today.

  But soon, I think? she said.

  Her beauty swelled beyond description.

  And I burst into tears.

  the reverend everly thomas

  As abruptly as it had begun, the onslaught now ended.

  hans vollman

  As if upon some common signal, our tormentors departed, their song turning somber and mournful.

  the reverend everly thomas

  The trees went gray in their wake, the food vanished, the streams receded, the breeze fell, the singing ceased.

  roger bevins iii

  And we were alone.

  hans vollman

  And all was dismal again.

  the reverend everly thomas

  XXX.

  Mr. Vollman, Reverend Thomas, and I went forth immediately to determine who had succumbed.

  roger bevins iii

  The first had been the frugal Mrs. Blass.

  the reverend everly thomas

  Scattered around the surface of her home-place were her treasured dead-bird parts, twigs, motes, et al., now unattended: objects of value no more.

  hans vollman

  A. G. Coombs, it appeared, had been the second to succumb.

  the reverend everly thomas

  Poor fellow. None of us knew him well. He had been here many years. But only rarely left his sick-box.

  hans vollman

  And when he did, was always heard to bark, “Do you know who I am, sir? They hold me a table at Binlay’s! I wear the Legion of the Eagle!” I still recall his shock when I told him I did not know of that place. “Binlay’s is the finest house of the City!” he exclaimed. “Of what city?” I inquired, and he said Washington, and described the location of that place, but I knew that intersection, and it was, most decidedly, a place of stables, and I told him so. “I pity you!” he said. But I had shaken him. He sat awhile on his mound, pensively stroking his beard. “But surely you know the esteemed Mr. Humphries?” he thundered.

  And now he was gone.

  Goodbye, Mr. Coombs, and may they know of Binlay’s wherever you are bound!

  roger bevins iii

  We wandered past many sitting dejectedly upon their mounds or the steps of their stone homes, weeping with the effort of resistance. Others sat quietly sorting through the various seductive visions and temptations to which they had lately been exposed.

  the reverend everly thomas

  I felt a renewed affection for all who remained.

  roger bevins iii

  Wheat had been separated from chaff.

  the reverend everly thomas

  Our path is not for everyone. Many people—I do not mean to disparage them? Lack the necessary resolve.

  hans vollman

  Nothing matters sufficiently to them, that is the thing.

  roger bevins iii

  Unsure of who the third victim had been, we suddenly remembered the lad.

  hans vollman

  It seemed unlikely that one so young could have survived such a merciless assault.

  the reverend everly thomas

  This being the desired outcome—

  roger bevins iii

  Given his youth—

  hans vollman

  The alternative being his eternal enslavement—

  roger bevins iii

  We found ourselves in a saddened but relieved state of mind as we set off to confirm his departure.

  the reverend everly thomas

  XXXI.

  Imagine our surprise when we found him sitting cross-legged on the roof of the white stone home.

  hans vollman

  Still here, Mr. Vollman said in amazement.

  Yes, the lad answered dryly.

  roger bevins iii

  His appearance was startling.

  the reverend everly thomas

  The effort of resistance had cost him dearly.

  hans vollman

  These young ones are not meant to tarry.

  the reverend everly thomas

  He was out of breath; his hands were shaking; he had lost, by my estimation, approximately half his bodyweight. His cheekbones protruded; his shirt collar hung huge about his suddenly sticklike neck; charcoal-dark rings had appeared under his eyes; all of these combining
to give him a peculiar, wraith-like appearance.

  roger bevins iii

  He had been a chubby boy.

  hans vollman

  But was chubby no longer.

  roger bevins iii

  Good God, Mr. Bevins whispered.

  hans vollman

  It had taken the Traynor girl nearly a month to descend to this level.

  roger bevins iii

  The fact that you are still here is impressive, the Reverend said to the lad.

  Heroic, even, I added.

  But ill-advised, said the Reverend.

  hans vollman

  It is all right, Mr. Vollman said gently. Really it is. We are here. Proceed in peace: you have provided us ample hope, that will last us many years, and do us much good. We thank you, we wish you well, we bless your departure.

  the reverend everly thomas

  Yes, only I am not going, the boy said.

  roger bevins iii

  At this the Reverend’s face registered a degree of surprise even more pronounced than the usual considerable level of surprise recorded there.

  hans vollman

  Father promised, the boy said. How would that be, if he came back and found me gone?

  Your father is not coming back, said Mr. Vollman.

  No time soon, anyway, I said.

  At which point you will be in no condition to receive him, said Mr. Vollman.

  If your father comes, the Reverend said, we will tell him you had to leave. Explain to him that it was for the best.

  You lie, the boy said.

  It appeared the boy’s degradation had now begun to affect his disposition.

  I beg your pardon? said the Reverend.

  You three have lied to me from the first, the boy said. Said I should go. What if I had? I would have missed Father entirely. And now you say you will give him a message?